It wasn't about romance. Or about sex. Both of those were on offer and he knew it. And it wasn't about knowing people, because there were people here, people he knew. Hell, some of his closest friends were here.
And yet, he had never felt so alone.
Maybe it was the fact he was missing his family. And he was. He missed them with a deep aching in his soul, an awareness that he had never been so long with no contact with them, that he dropped by or called or had coffee with someone from the family at least once a week or so.
Part of it was definitely missing Marci. Marci had been in and out of his life for years and he'd been in and out of her bed for a good number of those years. It had never lasted before and maybe it wouldn't have again, but they'd become closer this time. Matt being gone left space in his life that Marci had been happy to claim for herself.
It was missing New York and missing his neighbours and missing his crazy clients and his friends and the barista he got his coffee from in the morning and his family, he missed his family so much.
He missed Matt less when he was dead and gone. It had been more painful, but less lonely. This was like the dissolution of the firm, except not, because he saw Matt nearly every day, still helped out, still did things for him.
But there was a gap that left him feeling like he was more alone with Matt than he ever was when he was alone.
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Alone
Date: 2019-01-09 12:06 pm (UTC)It wasn't about romance. Or about sex. Both of those were on offer and he knew it. And it wasn't about knowing people, because there were people here, people he knew. Hell, some of his closest friends were here.
And yet, he had never felt so alone.
Maybe it was the fact he was missing his family. And he was. He missed them with a deep aching in his soul, an awareness that he had never been so long with no contact with them, that he dropped by or called or had coffee with someone from the family at least once a week or so.
Part of it was definitely missing Marci. Marci had been in and out of his life for years and he'd been in and out of her bed for a good number of those years. It had never lasted before and maybe it wouldn't have again, but they'd become closer this time. Matt being gone left space in his life that Marci had been happy to claim for herself.
It was missing New York and missing his neighbours and missing his crazy clients and his friends and the barista he got his coffee from in the morning and his family, he missed his family so much.
He missed Matt less when he was dead and gone. It had been more painful, but less lonely. This was like the dissolution of the firm, except not, because he saw Matt nearly every day, still helped out, still did things for him.
But there was a gap that left him feeling like he was more alone with Matt than he ever was when he was alone.